Monday, October 22, 2007
maxine's post is inspiring right?(:
my experience wasnt that picture perfect. not saying that God is like, un-powerful! cos He's really
awesome yeah! but i'll tell you, ystd was really not like what i expected it to be and it was SUCH a mix of emotions.
all the craziest emotions you wouldnt imagine putting together. but they were all there ystd, in the presence of God. and rusty.
doubting, unsureness, confusion, remorse, regret, repentance [i know this isnt an emotion. but it was there(:], joy, anger, jealousy, more remorse and more confusion.
i was like
WHOA. what is happening?
and if you ask me now, i still cant give you a very sure answer. i'm still in a blur. but i want to get out of it. and i will, with His help(:
His presence was really evident ystd. though i didnt sense it at first. i think it's cos i was distracted by all that doubt and fear in my heart. cos of all the preconceived ideas i had before the meeting.
throughout the message i continued questioning. in my head. it was just hard to change the idea i had overnight you know?
at the end we prayed. all of us. and rusty asked who wanted prayer to raise our hands. i felt this urge to raise mine. and i saw maxine raise hers too. rusty came to pray for both of us together. and i couldnt stop shaking.
like my legs were just shivering. and i couldnt stop them from shaking. i dont know whether it was because i was cold or what. haha. but i doubt that was it.
during this time when rusty went round praying for everyone, tears just came from my eyes. like
nonstop tears. jessica came to pray for me, in english and tongues. and i'm reallyreally grateful for that(: that prayer really helped alot:D
then rusty gave a prophesy. and so did euclid. and aunty cat gave this image that she saw in her head. and during this period, the line that came to my head was
LORD do what You want with me.
now that i think abt it, it was really quite accurate. if He thinks that i'm ready for the gifts then He'll give it to me. if He thinks i'm not ready, He wont. simple as that. and i think that this line really helped me through ystd alot.
i didnt receive gifts of the Spirit last night, but that doesnt make it a wasted experience!(: i have asked and seeked for those gifts. and i believe that when my Lord thinks i am ready and matured enough to use them, He will give them to me(:
we stood up to leave. wah i was really unsteady. like my legs were still kinda shaking. and my eyes hurt from crying. i thought i was gonna like fall down cos i felt kinda shaky.
then when we were abt to leave, rusty started doing ministering. maxine wanted to go. but she was scared. and when she started to cry, jessica and i hugged her and for some reason i started to cry too.
rusty prayed with her and like she mentioned, she was slain. and i felt really happy for her cos she told me she felt really
peaceful after that(:
i went down too. and he prayed for me. wow the Lord's words through rusty were just
BAM so powerful! just these 4 simple words made me start sobbing uncontrollably:
Child, I LOVE YOU.
then before i knew it, i was on the ground. but before i had a chance to let the Holy Spirit kinda minister to me, rusty got me up again cos my mum told him abt my scoliosis. and he prayed for me(:
it was a good experience. actually, i think the word GOOD doesnt justify it. a more accurate word is
AWESOME. cos His presence was there(:
in the car me and mummy talked alot. and i really told her ALOT more than i have ever. when she went to the petrol station to pay and go to the toilet, i took the opportunity in the car alone to just pray. that prayer was just SO helpful. all the previous mix of emotions transcended to PEACE.
GOD'S PEACE(:For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but
you receive the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."
Romans 8:15
thank you Lord for making me Your child, and for giving me your Spirit that lives within me to
teach and guide me. i pray that You fill me with the Spirit and give me a
passion for You, Lord. help me to desire the
giver more than the gifts Lord, for You are the
Most High God. thank You Lord for such an amazing experience and for this encounter with You. i pray that i
never leave You again. Amen.
!stepping in
Monday, October 22, 2007
