Thursday, November 15, 2007
ohman.
when i dont go out. when i stay home by myself.
it's alot easier to focus on God. but it's also alot easier to focus on all my mistakes. all my shortcomings.
it's so gloomy.
like today. i think i havent smiled since i woke up.
i thought i was walking close to Him. i really did. i thought the presence would stay with me forever. i mean, it's supposed to right?
but i dontknow. it feels like i'm drifting away. it has to be. cos i know He will stay right there.
today it occurred to me. maybe i'm relying too much on myself. maybe i'm using too much reason and logic, and too little trust and faith.
i dontknow lah. i'm really very confused.
i'm really very lost.
i know to go back to the Word. but i dont know where to start. i dontknow what to do with it. i know what i'm supposed to apply in my life, but i dontknow how.
i really thought that my relationship with Him was strong and firm. but maybe it wasnt.
this area of service thing. i thought i had it all figured out. how do i know what His calling for me is? maybe i'm following my choice too much?
ohman i really dontknow. i dont even know if it's right to feel like that. dont even know which side it's coming from.
at least i know He'll never give up on me. i guess maybe that's reason enough to smile.
!stepping in
Thursday, November 15, 2007
